You can do so much better than Catwoman.

Dear Batman,

You don't know me. But I know you.

I've been admiring you for some time now. My entire life, in fact.

I loved you when I was a child and you were a campy, grey and blue clad fellow.

I adored you when you found your black rubber suit, despite your crush on Kim Basinger.

I even put up with you when your suit sprung nipples and you said lame things to a very homo-erotic Robin.

Then I watched you break yourself down and fall only to pick yourself back up.

And now I've been reading about the many different takes on your life, from the grayscale shorts to the technicolor classics.

It's all reaffirmed my undying love for you. Yes. I love you, Batman. And I think we need to be together.

I would move to the perilous Gotham City for you. I could live there if I knew you'd be near to protect me. I could put up with you working nights and being too tired in the morning. Heck, I'd make you omelets at whatever hour if you so desired. And if you needed me to massage your tired, muscular, perfect shoulders, I'd get the oil ready.

I'd worship the night you flew through.

And I would keep your identity secret. Or if you don't want to tell me who you really are, we could work something out. You could keep your mask on, for instance! I really don't mind. In fact, it's kind of hot. Hmm... Just a questions, what all toys do you have?

I digress, my sweet, Dark Knight. How can I prove to you that we'd be great together? Do I need to be stronger and faster? Because I did gymnastics for a while. And yoga, too. I could start that up again if it would please you.

I'd even fight crime. I'd fight crime with gusto. Let me show you how much I hate crime! I would make crime end if it would start our life together.

I'd do anything for you, Batman. Anything (okay, there might be an exception or two; perhaps you should have made your requests while I was in college and more adventurous and drunk).

I beg you, oh masked vigilante, to give me a change. Let's go get a drink sometime, although I know you only drink water and pretend it's alcohol. You have to constantly be ready. See! I get it. This would work so well.

Oh, we are going to be wonderful together. I just know it. You can't wait to meet me.

I look forward to seeing you. Perhaps I'll leave the patio door unlocked tonight...

Oh, and just an FYI, I look really good in black leather. Catwoman has nothing on me.