Birds are racist.

No one else was going to say it. So I took the liberty upon myself.

Birds are racist. All of them. Cardinals hang with cardinals. Pigeons chill with pigeons. And mockingbirds, please! They'd never fraternize with a lowly duck.

There's truth to the phrase "birds of a feather stick together." It should be "birds are freakin' racist sons of mother pluckers."

I've thought long and hard about this. I've paid careful attention to the feathered wildlife around the city. Birds of one race refuse to acknowledge birds of another race.

The only exception is the bluejay. But those bastards are self-loathing racists. They play packrat with other birds' eggs. Racist!

I can't, though, figure out why birds are so blatently hateful. Dogs aren't that way. Labradors will canoodle with poodles and chihuahuas love weiner dogs. Cats aren't racist, either. Black cats and white cats and brown cats and pink cats all live in perfect, calicoed harmony. But those birds! Put a mockingbird in a cage with a sparrow and all hells gonna break loose.

The only harmony among different bird races seems to take place near ponds or on farms. Geese and ducks seem to be accepting of each other's existance. And chickens will run around with anything, but they're kind of dumb.

BUT birds of different races don't live together. A pigeon would never bring his hummingbird girlfriend home to meet his parents because a pigeon would never hook-up with a hummingbird. BECAUSE BIRDS ARE RACIST!

Do birds crossbread? I've never heard of it. I've never seen a half-dove-half-swallow. Have you? NO!

The insanity must stop. We'll start with the birds. Then it's on to the fish.

Oh, yes. This problem goes as deep as the ocean, my friends.