I am a shameless, self-promoting whore for your attention.

I'm in advertising. I get advertising. I'm all about promoting and displaying and verbalizing and sharing and all of that crap.

But mainly, I like money. And I don't want to have to work very hard for it.

So here's my plan. I'm going to keep doing this writing thing on this blog thing. And you're going to keep reading. But you're going to tell others to read it.

Here's where the marketing comes in. As readership increases, there's documented proof that popularity is on the rise. With popularity comes the potential to sell ad space.

BAM! I continue to share my quirky observations only now I don't have to do it late at night when I'm finally finished with the alleged 9 to 5. And my blog site is full of erectile disfuntion and Target callouts!

Oh, I can see it now!

The one flaw in my plan: Not everyone likes my writing. Like that guy who didn't like my writing. But he was totally jealous of my supreme awesomeness. Or that one professor in college who gave me a B in writing. But I don't count her because she was a freaky German with green teeth. True story. She had green teeth. I'm not even sure how that's possible. And she wasn't a huge fan of freedom of speech. And she was German! She could barely speak English. How in the hell did she know what I was writing in the first place. Anyway, I digress.

So this means that for my plan to work, not only do you have to spread the word, but I have to be a good writer- not great but good. That seems doable. OR I could hypnotize each and every other person I meet and convince them that they adore me.

I can see it now. Me and my swinging pocket watch putting fast food workers and business types to sleep and feeding them fat, juicy suggestions.

"You will read my blog every morning with your coffee. And you will click on the erectile disfunction callout ads. And then you'll get a prescription for the ED drug and fill it at Target."

I'd be known as That Pocket Watch Lady. Or Hypnosia (hip-nos-sia). I'd be a super hero in my own right. Perhaps even a metahuman.

But I think it would just be easier if you turned people on to me. I mean, I'd try to turn them on myself but there's that whole not-wanting-to-be-a-slut-whore thing. Being an attention whore is good enough.