Samuel the Birtday Party Burro likes cake.

For forty-five minutes, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro walked in a circle with a rotation of squealing toddlers on his back.

For forty-five minutes, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro stomped the grass to death until the once-perfect yard had a now-perfect, grassless circle that would last for months.

For forty-five minutes, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro endured kicks to his ribs, being called an ugly horse and wearing a cone-shaped birthday hat. In protest, he took a dump right next to the birthday child's soccer mom.

So if Samuel hated being a birthday party burro so much, why did he continue to torture himself? Because Samuel the Birthday Party Burro had a sweet tooth. And children's birthday parties are known for cake.

With every revolution around the tree, Samuel the Birthday Parto Burro would catch a glimpse of this party's yellow-frosted masterpiece. He counted six blue candles and he thought he saw a frosting clown.

"Frosting clown equals jackpot," thought the burro.

Usually, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro would sadly stare at the least-jerky child and use his burro powers to get the kid to bring him, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro, a piece of cakey goodness. Not this party, though. Samuel the Birthday Party Burro wanted the entire cake. And he had a plan to make his fantasy come true.

At children's birthday parties where burros are rented, they are ridden before the treats are served. This is because children are prone to vomit and a birthday party burro doesn't need to be showered in stomach contents in addition to the other humiliations a burro must endure. So during cake time, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro's owner would be invited to eat cake while the burro was left tied to a tree to nibble on grass.

Suburban grass is the worst kind of grass for a burro. It gives them gas. Samuel the Birthday Party Burro didn't want suburban grass gas. He wanted cake.

So during the time that owner and birthday party attendees would be prepping for cake, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro would gnaw on his lead rope until it split into two. For the last four birthday parties, Samuel the Birthday Party Burro had been gnawing on that rope. Today, it would give.

As the last child's ride ended, the usual chain of events took place: burro tied to something, owner took a gulp of whiskey from a hip flask, owner went to the can, children gathered around a picnic table.

Samuel the Birthday Party Burro started to gnaw. The rope was weak. He tugged with all of his burro might and it snapped like a beatnik's fingers. He ran to the cake table. And he licked the clown off of the cake.

Then he dug his muzzle into the center of the cake. Mmm, chocolate. Samuel the Birthday Party Burro took gluttonous bites of the birthday cake. Each mouthful made the seventy yearly parties worth it.

"Look! The funny horsie is eating the cake," some freckled kid shouted.

Samuel the Birthday Party Burro looked up, sneezed out some frosting and continued to dine on the yummy, nummy confection.

Most of the children errupted in laughter along with a handful of the adults. The birthday child's mom stared in confused horror. The burro owner took another sip of whisky.

Digital cameras and camera phones emerged. Pictures were taken and videos were captured. Samuel the Birthday Party Burro just kept eating cake.

A day later, he was a YouTube star. "Jackass Eats Cake" was the number nine video for three weeks. Footage of Samuel the Birthday Party Burro appeared on various US talk shows and the situation was even referenced in a movie.

Cakes by the dozens were sent to Samuel the Birthday Party Burro's stall and he started working at all kinds of parties, but not as a beast of burdon but a star!

Samuel the Birthday Party Burro lived happily (albeit a little fatter) ever after.

The moral of this story, kids, just go for it. You can have your cake and eat it, too.