I don't know what a blog is. You see, I've been in a coma.

Here it is, folks. It's either the latest and greatest way to hit on strangers or the best way to eff with strangers.

It's the I've-been-a-coma technique.

How does it work, you ask? Pick a stranger and make one distinct observation. For example, you see a chick wearing a Fallout Boy T-shirt. Approach her and say, "I'm sorry but I was noticing your shirt. What is Fallout Boy?"

The girl should respond by saying they're a pop band (if she's really cool, she'll tell you that Fallout Boy is a comic book character from the Simpsons, but that's another story all together). If she doesn't volunteer the information, ask what songs they perform and how many albums they have.

Then when you find out they're relatively new, throw out, "Ahh. That's why I haven't heard of them before. I've recently come out of a year-long coma."

When you toss out the coma line, you have to be careful. If you're only twenty-five and you look twenty-five, you don't want to have a multi-year coma. If you're older (we'll say thirty-five plus which isn't old but old enough) you can afford to have been in a longer coma. For example, a ten year coma could be really fun; you would barely know about cell phones.

Not many people know others who've been in comas. So if you play it cool, the conversation will evolve. The stranger will be intrigued and want to know how long you were out. He or she might ask how you ended up in a coma. A great line is, "I can remember driving in my car and then I woke up in a hospital room a year later."

Be sure to say that while in a coma, you had no dreams, no thoughts, heard nothing. Because when you're in a coma, you might as well be dead. And be sure to toss in how your muscles had atrified and you've been in physical therapy to get your strength back (this is awesome if you're really skinny; say you lost like fifty pounds while in a coma). After all, spending x amount of time in a hospital bed eating through a tube, you don't really pack on the mass.

Mention how crazy it is that the world changed so much in x months/years. For example, "I found out yesterday that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are an item. Weird!" Or "I tried to order a medium soda the other day, and they don't have medium. Just large and extra large. When did that happen?" And my personal fave, "My sister showed me this thing called an iPod. It holds like a hundred casettes on it!"

If you want to play the super-pathetic card, say something like, "The worst part was when I finally went home and found out that my dog had died." This is a great time to shed a tear. Believe me, if you're a dude, you're getting a phone number.

The I've-been-a-coma technique is also great for being ignorant about certain topics. If you're sitting at a bar and some people try and get you to talk about sports and politics, just cock your head and say, "I'm so sorry. I have no idea what's going on in the world of [sports]. I've been in a coma for the last six months and I only woke up a week ago." Then take a long, slow drink from your beverage. If you steer the conversation right (and your friendly, local bartender doesn't rat you out), you might get some free booze.

It's a no-fail method for some good fun. Unless, of course, chance is against you and the person you're speaking to has actually been in a coma. If that happens, you're on your own.