What are the aliens going to think in 200 years?

Think about it. When the aliens come to our little, dead planet in 200 years (yeah, we're going to destroy it in 200 years), what are they going to think?

Naturally, a family of aliens will be taking a space trip across the galaxy on their way to grandma's for some holiday. And they'll be lost because the dad refused to consult the star map.

"There's a planet over there," the little daughter will point out with one of her six fingers.

The other dad will make the driving dad (aliens will fully embrace same-gender marriages cause they're cool like that) pull over and park on this little, blue orb. And there, they will discover a dead planet. Well, not completely dead; there will be tons of cockroaches.

And within days tons of alien archeologists and researchers will camp out on what used to be Portland, Oregon. Another team will be somewhere in Russia. And a third team will be studying the Pacific ocean.

They'll explore houses and shopping malls. Disassemble cars and airplanes. Discover guns and biology labs.

And they'll dig up the dead.

And they'll notice that most of the corpses buried in the years 2010 and on are freakishly well preserved.

"Specimen 78416, female, aged 76 at expiration," one alien will log, "appears to be very similar to a photograph found in her tomb. In the photo, she is aged 56. How could this specimen have not aged in 20 units? And even more peculiar, how has this specimen managed to decompose as such a slow rate?"

Using carbon dating, they'll notice that bodies buried hundreds of units (they eventually figure out that a year is a revolution around the sun, but not at this point) before have decomposed almost entirely. Yet newer specimens haven't. Their decomposition rate is unnaturally slow.

Back on the home planet, as the aliens dissect humans, they'll discover metal bones, capped teeth and acrylic fingernails. They will discover that these bodies had been modified during their living period. That artificial parts had been inserted. That muscles had been pulled and sewn. And that chemicals had been absorbed into the skin.

And as one alien discovers a breast implant inside of an 80 year old specimen (at time of expiration), he'll step back and look at his colleague.

"What the fuck?"

"That's nothing," the other alien will say. "This specimen, 45 years old at expiration, male, has them in his legs."

The aliens will become intrigued. Why did the human inhabitants of this planet go to such extremes to modify their bodies. In some instances, it was obvious that repairs were made. In others, they couldn't tell why. Some specimens had tight faces and deep scars in their scalps. Others had teensy scars in their abdomens; these humans had less lipid residue in their cavities. Some had genital reconstruction.

After years of research, after exhuming thousand and thousands of humans, after finding many many issues of Cosmo and reality TV shows, the aliens will start to admire these odd little creatures from the blue planet.

And the aliens will attempt to mimic the surgeries on themselves.

They will make their breasts larger and their wastes tinier. They will make their skin smoother and their eyes wider. Their teeth will become brighter as their lips will plump.

And the aliens will be happy. Because dammit, they will all be hot.