These are possible titles and covers for my future book of mini stories if I can get my ass in gear and write it.

"Draw A Mustache On Me"
The title would be very small and on the bottom. The rest of the cover would be my smiling face and the jacket would be a glossy paper. Every book would come with a dry-erase marker. Guess what you do with the marker?


"Please Title My Book"
It's a completely white book jacket made of hi-gloss paper. There's a line on the front. The title is in tiny, 12 pt. type under that line. The book would come with a dry-erase marker. (I like markers!)


"Vegetarian Vampires & Other Oxymoronic Tales From the Crowded Mind of an Over-Analytical Twenty-Something"
White and red. Big, block type. That's it. Oh, and it would be sideways.


"This Book Costs $12.99 (Unless it's on sale, of course.)"
A faded price sticker. It would look like it's been sitting there for ages.


"Smells Like Vanilla"
I have no idea what this would look like. But I'd get my people to get Chip Kidd to design it. Oh, and it would smell like vanilla. But not over-powering, cheap vanilla. Real vanilla.


"My Mom Was Proud That I Wrote A Book. And Then She Read It."
There would be beautiful sketch of a family tree on the front. One branch would reach around the spine and onto the back of the book. There, on the back, would be the sawed-off edge of that branch. Standing on its edge would be a lady with a chain-saw (my mom). On the ground would be a dejected rendering of yours truly.


"The Word 'Jerk' Is In This Book 87 Times"
Just a note, the number might change depending on how many times the word "jerk" actually would appear in the book.
The cover, however, would be a page from the book. Ideally one with the word jerk all over it. And all of those jerks would be highlighted in yellow.


"I Want To Kiss You!"
Naturally, it would be kissy lips, pursed and ready to be smooched. Then, on the back cover, it would say, "This book has herpes."


"[Command] O This Book"
The [Command] would be the Apple key squiggle (Mac users know what I'm talking about). Command O is "open."
I'm not sure what this one would look like either. I'd ask AK to design it.