There's too much crap in the mail box.

Shelly rifled through her mail.

Bill. Bill. Coupon packet. Bill. Marketing piece. Marketing piece. Spam. Bill.

Spam?

Shelly held the slimy slice of meaty substance to the light. She squeezed it and smelled it.

It really was Spam. And it had "Pen15 Lift!" burned into it's surface.

Shelly decided to just toss the slice away and pretend that finding it never happened.

The next day, Shelly opened her mailbox only to smell something odd. She held her breath and pulled out a small package (which she had been expecting) and a small cube of Spam wrapped in a bow and tagged.

"How's ur luv life?" the tag read.

Shelly examined the hunk of meat and tossed it into a rubbish bin before retreating into her home.

Two days later, Shelly found a mailbox full of greasy gym coupons and four different pieces of Spam.

One was in a tiny gift bag. A tag read, "Affordable Mortgages 2day!"

Another was cut into a star shape. "Vegas is around the corner," it informed Shelly.

One piece of Spam was badly burnt. It had dollar signs all over it.

And the last piece was a chunk covered in plastic wrap. It told Shelly to stop debt. She wasn't sure that debt was lurking around her corner. So she tossed that chunk into the trash along with the other three pieces.

Shelly received nothing but ordinary mail for the next few days.

Then she just happened to see the postman as he was filling her box.

"What have you got for me today?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, just the usual," the postman said as he handed her four envelopes. Just as Shelly was going to thank him, he added, "And this," as he handed her a heavy sack.

The postman continued his jaunt down the street as Shelly caught a whiff of the sack's contents. She opened it and discovered Spam, Spam and Spam.

Some of it was cubed. Some was wrapped in newspaper. Some was disguised in cute boxes so it looked friendly. All of it was greasy and gross and putrid and frightening.

"DatingMadeEasy"

"Pain Pump Info"

"Lowest Quote Online"

"gr8 sexy singles"

Each piece of Spam had some odd message that Shelly didn't like. She decided to take action.

That next day, she attached a large sign on her mailbox. "No Spam," it said. And it worked for a while.

Then the Spam got clever. It arrived in thin slices inside of colored envelopes with return addresses that sounded like friends' addresses. So Shelly made lists of the false addresses and added those to the "No Spam" sign.

Then the Spam would multiply if she accidentally opened one. So Shelly had to create another filter.

Eventually, Shelly couldn't even tell what was real mail and what was inconspicuous Spam. She had to get a new mail box.

And that worked.

But not forever.

So she got a new mailbox and used the old one for Spam only. Every once in a while, a piece of the sneaky meat would find its way into her clean mailbox. So every year or so, she'd have to add another mailbox to her lawn and use the latest old one for Spam.

It got annoying for all of Shelly's friends to have to change her mailing address in their records. But luckily for Shelly, they knew what she was going through. For they were being Spammed to death, as well.