Hey, could you come back with my crutches?

Crutches are really fun for all of two minutes. You hop around really fast and then you're done.

Weeee!

But what people seem to forget while they're dashing away on my crutches is that, well, I'm trapped until they come back.

BECAUSE I CAN'T WALK!

I'm not using these things for fun. Or for attention. Or because they look really cool with my silver earrings.

I use them because one of my legs isn't working right now. I can't even readjust my footing in the shower. Because crutches don't go in the shower.

But I can use them out of the shower. Like right now. I'd really like to take a step sideways. Give my ankle a break.

So I'd really appreciate it if you'd bring my crutches back right now. Because I kind of need to go somewhere else. Like the restroom or back to my office to work.

But I can't. Because my makeshift legs are patrolling the hallways without me. They're doing spins and jumps that I can't do because, well, I'm temporarily handicapped.

Geez. It's been like five minutes. Seriously. Would you mind bring my crutches back? I'm thirsty and I'd love to go sip from the water fountain. I'd get a glass of water, but carrying it is impossible because my arms are functioning as legs.

But right now they aren't functioning as legs. Because you are off chasing people with my makeshift legs.

What's that noise? Is that ... the fire alarm? Crap. And here are all of these people making their way to the exits and I'm going to burn to death because you're trying out the stairs on my crutches. Which I need. To transport myself. Because I can't walk.

Hey, someone, seriously. The sprinklers are going off. I seriously can't walk or crawl. Just help me into a wheely chair. Someone! Hello! Cripple here!

Where are my crutches?

I can't die here. I haven't even walked yet. I haven't healed! I have to experience being normal for just a day! Someone, find my crutches.

Wait, there they are. Way over there. I can't get to them. Could you ... Okay, not you. How about you? No? Crap.

Guess I'll just have to, um, well, I don't know.