Last year, Santa got Microsoft Office for X-Mas. Part 6

Juror Number 10's ass was asleep. She had been sitting in her chair for three hours watching this literal circus of a court case. There were reindeer in the room for Pete's sake!

She readjusted her body and continued to listen to the defense's pointless arguments.

They rattled on about the vulnerability of a Window's OS. About how spyware was inevitable and how Mr. Claus had no way to completely protect his hard drive from unwarranted downloads (he shouldn't have been on the WWW in the first place!). They presented character witnesses (most of them horrible little midgets with pointed shoes and one sloshy snowmen with a pipe!) who raved about Claus and his flawless life (any man who would welcome such close genital proximity with children could not be a good man!). And they waxed poetic about how Claus gave toys to good children all over the globe.

HMMPH! Old Man Claus had NEVER EVER brought Juror Number 10 a toy while she was a child. He only left her a single, solitary lump of coal. Every year, she asked for a doll. Every year, she got coal.

And she was a good child! Just because she poured glue in Samantha Davis' backpack that one time in first grade didn't mean she was a brat. Samantha had a nicer back pack! Juror Number 10 was just evening the score. And just because she pushed little Davie Smith down the slide in second grade didn't mean she was mean. He had cut in line. How dare he get there first! And that time she threw the dozen eggs out of the shopping basket and onto the floor when she was seven, well, her mom should've gotten her the candy she wanted.

Santa Claus had obviously not taken all of the facts into consideration while making his lists. And for that, he'd spend the rest of his life in jail.

Juror Number 10 hadn't realized she was clenching her fists so hard she had damaged a nail. She relaxed her hands and watched as the jolly old elf took the stand.

He swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help him god.

The prosecution asked him how he knew when children were sleeping and how he knew when they were awake (because he's a perv!).

Santa responded, "It's because I'm magical. I just know."

The prosecution asked if Claus had kissed Mommy.

"I don't believe Ms. Claus would approve of that," he joked.

The prosecution asked if Claus was aware that entering a home during the night via chimney was legally breaking and entering.

Santa gleefully said, "But I am invited. Families even leave snacks for me. You, sir," Santa said to the judge, "used to leave me ginger cake. It was one of my favorite houses to go to."

Juror Number 10 grunted. When Santa's cross examination ended, the jurors were sent to deliberate. On the way out, Juror Number 10 took one last look at Santa. He winked at her. She quickly averted her eyes and left the room.


***

"You old battle axe!" Juror Number 5 shouted across the room. "He's clearly innocent. He's SANTA!"

"Are you mad?" Juror Number 3 asked. "Or just mean?"

"You're the only person here who thinks he's guilty," Juror number 8 said as he looked at the ground. "What did your parents do to you?"

Every other jury member was ready to vote Santa as not-guilty from the get go.

Juror Number 10 just stared at her lukewarm coffee. It looked like liquid coal. "He gives toys to children who he's never met. He's a dirty old man and he should be punished."

The debate went on for three hours with no clear end in sight. Juror Number 10 was unwavering in her decision.

"You're a loony bitch, you know that?" one of the jury members told her. She wasn't sure which one. They had all started to look and sound the same to her.

She reached into her purse for a breath mint. As she dug, she felt something unfamiliar.

"What's this?" she thought as she pulled out a little, wooden nutcracker. Juror Number 10 rotated and twisted the tiny figure in her fingers. Engraved on the bottom of it's feet was a message. "To Sandra from Santa. Have a Merry Christmas."

Juror Number 10, Sandra, felt tears well up in her eyes. A doll. Santa had magically put a little doll in her bag. Even after she had planned on voting him guilty.

"I was wrong," she whimpered to the room. Heads rose off of the table. "He's innocent."

***

Santa ran out of the court house to the sound of camera flashes and ten o'clock news reporters. The elves had the sleigh waiting for him. He hopped in and was off to the North Pole. There was just enough time to get home, load the sleigh, and do one final check (via pen and paper, NOT computer) for all of the toys before heading out for his famous flight.