Another Quick Dialogue Between Johnson and the Knee

Ben Franklin wrote a dialogue between himself and his gout. It's my turn to be mad at my body.

For years, I've been living with a bum knee. It's pretty much hindered my entire life. Almost three months ago, I got surgery to rebuild and reconnect the broken and torn parts.

The act of healing isn't going as smoothly as hoped.


Johnson: What in the hell is wrong with you? Can't you just heal like every other knee I've talked to?

Knee: What would be the fun in that?

Johnson: You really find fun in this? In all of this pain?

Knee: Watching you wince is pretty entertaining, yeah.

Johnson: You're an asshole.

Knee: I'll agree with you.

Johnson: You realize all of this freezing and being unresponsive to therapy might result in more surgery.

Knee: What?

Johnson: Yeah.

Knee: No one told me that.

Johnson: Well, what did you think was going to happen if you didn't heal?

Knee: Nothing. I just thought this would go on a bit and ... More surgery? Really?

Johnson: We don't know yet. But it's certain that you get to be injected with dye and then magnetically imaged again.

Knee: Crap. I'm an asshole.

Johnson: And I'm tired.

Knee: Wait! Look! I'm all better. (tries to bend)

Johnson: YEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!

Knee: Damn, that's not fun at all.

Johnson: I think I'm dying.

Knee: What have I done?

Johnson: Oh, god. Now I'm hemorrhaging.

Knee: What!

Johnson: Yeah. Hemorrhaging money, you son of a bitch. When this is all done, I'm going to torture you with running and skiing and trampolines. I'm getting my five years back and my money's worth.

Knee: (swells)