The emperor knew he was naked.

Hans Christian Anderson wrote a well-known story titled "The Emperor's New Clothes" (also known as "The Emperor's New Suit).

In this story, the emperor is had by swindlers. They tell him they can make a magical suit that's invisible to those not fit for their office and the incredibly stupid. The emporor upon not seeing the bolts of fabric (which didn't exist because they belonged to swindlers) claimed that it was the most beautiful fabric he had ever seen. Everyone in his company claimed the same, for if they admitted not seeing it, they were admitting to being terribly dense and unfit for their jobs.

So everyone in the kingdom fawns over the emperor's new clothes, although none of them can actually see it. Then, a small boy proclaims, "But he has nothing on at all!" And admitting the truth dominoed.

The untold story, though, is slightly different.

...

The emperor entered his private quarters and ordered his chamberlains to leave. No sooner had they closed the massive doors did the emperor drop his restrictive clothes to the ground. He raised his open palms skyward and stretched his naked body as long as he possibly could. He took a deep breath, scratched his exposed belly (and a few other exposed parts) and strolled to his favorite chair by the window.

The emperor plopped his naked ass upon the seat cushion and reached behind a pillow for his favorite magazine: Starkers Quarterly.

Before reading, the emperor realized he was still wearing his stockings. He peeled them off with a laugh. It felt so good to be totally bare. For you see, the emporor was a closet nudist.

The emperor opened his magazine and read about nudist-friendly resorts, beaches and cities. He pored over profiles of happy nudists who lived open lives. He became absorbed by one ad in particular.

"Are you a closet nudist," the ad began, "forced to conform to a closed-minded society?"

"Yes, yes I am," thought the emperor.

The ad continued, "Are you afraid that you will be shunned by those who admire you if they find out you prefer to be au natural?"

"I do fear that," the emperor said quietly.

"Are you a king overseeing a kingdom of heavily-clothed prudes?"

"Yes. Yes! YES!" shouted the king, perhaps a little to loudly for someone outside shouted back something quite lewd.

The emperor continued to read the ad's copy. Two men claimed they could solve the very problem the emperor faced - being a closet nudist.

The emperor tore the ad's send-in form and lept from his arm chair to find the nearest quill. He filled out the form, sealed it tightly and foxed it that afternoon (before the days of internet, mail, phones and faxes, foxes were used to send messages because they were fast and cute).

Three very agonizing, suit-clad weeks later, two men arrived at the castle. They claimed to be the finest tailors in all the land. Although the chamberlains weren't expecting any specific tailors, they found nothing odd of these men. The emperor, so they thought, had an odd obsession with fashion. He had tailors and seamstresses coming and going all of the time. He changed outfits several times a day. Everyone just assumed the emperor wanted to be trendy. In actuality, he was just vainly seeking something wearable that was as comfortable as his own skin.

The chamberlains led the alleged tailors to the emperor's quarters.

"We are from Jay Bird's, your majesty," they told the emperor.

Naked as a Jay Bird! He instantly knew they were the men from the ad. The emperor anxiously participated in the just-for-show conversation about cloth, colors and stitching styles. Then, the tailors told a tale of a magical cloth that was invisible to the incredibly stupid.

The emperor cocked his head. "Invisible, you say?"

"Invisible," the men of Jay Bird repeated. They pulled a clothless rod from their bag. "Just feel how exquisite that feels."

The emperor giggled. There was nothing there! As he mimed fingering cloth, he waxed poetic about the beauty of this textile, about the silkiness of it and about how he desired nothing more than a suit of it.

His chamberlains were in a panic. They could not see this cloth. They were surely unfit to work in the castle! So they praised the fabric that they didn't know didn't exist so they could keep their jobs.

The emperor ordered a suit from the men of Jay Bird. He gladly paid them a fortune for air and theatrics. He stood in front of his mirror for hours as they pretended to tailor a suit to his every muscle.

He was going to be able to walk around stark-ass naked. And no one could or would say anything about it for fear of seeming dim! It was perfect.

The emperor was so thrilled at finally being able to walk around in the buff, he planned a parade. He would prance down the main street of his land as his people watched.

The day of the parade, the people gathered and the musicians played.

The emperor emerged from the castle and felt the warm sun on his bare shoulders. He felt the cool breeze softly blow against his nether bits. Nothing felt greater than being out in the open while he himself was out and open.

"Oh, would you look at that amazing suit," the townspeople lied, unless they were referring to his birthday suit but no one would dare.

"That is the finest fabric I've ever seen," people would tell one another.

"If only we all had clothing so fine."

"The emperor looks smashing."

"You're all plum loony," a teen shouted. "He's as naked as the day he was born."

The crowd hushed and the music ceased. The emperor and his procession haulted. The emperor approached the teen and looked him in the eye. Then he winked and continued on with the parade.