Angels are perverts.

Literally, twenty seconds ago, I noticed a new freckle. I looked down, saw something on me, tried to wipe it off and discovered that it was permanent.

I have a cute little freckle where there wasn't a freckle before.

(If you must know, the freckle is in the chest area and it can be seen with clothing on. Perverts. Although, I'm not going into specifics of the types of clothing.)

It got me thinking about something my dad used to say. Freckles are angel kisses. He'd tell this to my sister cause she was a freckly kid. I, on the other hand, wasn't a freckly kid. So I felt that angels just didn't care all that much.

So I told the angels they could kiss my ass. Later, I noticed a freckle on my posterior. True story. I'd show it to you, but it's kind of my ass and not yours to see.

Believe me, though, it's totally hot.

So now in my less-than-innocent, not-quite youth, I can't help but rethink the whole angel kisses thing. What if freckles really are angel kisses? I shouldn't speak for everyone, but I'm going to anyway. People have freckles everywhere. Literally, everywhere. On all body parts including parts in the bathing suit area.

Somewhere, there's a homeless, smelly dude with a freckle on his sack. And some angel was just crap happy to give it to him.

Angels are dirty perverts.

Think about it. I mean, telling kids that angels kiss thier noses and elbows is cute. But you don't know every place that a kid has a freckle. You might be horrifying a child. Some kid might cry himself to sleep thinking the angels are going to return in the night to molest his bellybutton again.

When I was a kid, the eye doctor told me that I had a nevus (mole, freckle or other skin anomaly) in the back of my eye (apparently, that's pretty common). What I wanted to ask the doctor was how in the hell did an angel get my eye out of my head to suck on the back of it. That's the kind of thing you see in foreign porn, right? Ugh.

And are the freckles and moles dependant on the kind of kiss? The pressure applied? The suction used? Are light spatterings of freckles from soft, rapid-fire pecks? And are moles like celestial hickeys? What about birthmarks? Are they caused by angels licking a person labrador-style? These are important questions. I need to know if this mole that's been on my neck forever is something I should sue over.

Again, most of us have moles and freckles in various places all over our bodies. So are angels just going around planting their lips on any exposed skin while we sleep? It's enough to make me want to sleep in a jumpsuit with a padlocked zipper. No angel is getting any of this ever again! At least without permission, first. I mean, I don't want some homely angel puckering up to my neck. If the angel is totally hot, well, that's another story all together, isn't it?