The Woeful Tail of Jacob the Christmas Tree

Jacob the Evergreen Tree stood rooted in his little lot with the other trees.

They had all been planted with the intended purpose of being chopped and shipped and decorated for Christmas.

The trees were all so excited.

"I hope I get decorated with angels!" one tree exclaimed.

"I want red lights," another said.

"Look how long my trunk is," a tall tree added. "So many presents will fit under me."

But Jacob the tree couldn't joyously contribute to the conversation. He couldn't get excited about living in some home for the holidays.

Because Jacob was Jewish. And who's ever heard of a Jewish Christmas tree?

As the trees grew taller and the weather grew colder, as summer turned into fall and fall turned into winter, radio stations across the US began playing Christmas music, Jacob could only think of the saw that would rip through his trunk so some family could decorate him with ornaments of the baby Jesus.

Jacob shuddered as a particularly cold wind blew through his branches. It was November. He only had weeks until he'd be taken to some tree seller.

And that day did come.

Every tree in the little lot shook with excitement. The Christmas season was here! Soon they'd be tied to the roofs of minivans and tossed into trucks. They'd be on their way to lavish living rooms and frosted windows.

"Oh, fantastic. I'm so full of joy," Jacob sarcastically thought as a squirrel ran up his trunk and knocked off some snow. Minutes later, the lot lumberjack approached Jacob the soon-to-be Christmas tree with his saw.

But the lumberjack did not start to saw at Jacob's trunk. Instead, he dropped his saw and fell to his knees. He started inspecting the ground around Jacob.

There were stars of David imprinted into the snow. Everywhere snow had fallen from Jacob's branches from moments ago, to be exact.

The lumberjack ran to the buyer and quickly told them that he, Jacob, wasn't for sale. That Jacob had been sold to someone else.

Jacob the tree was confused. He didn't remember being sold or promised to anyone. Later that night, he was chopped down, loaded onto the roof of the lumberjack's car and taken to his home.

As Jacob woefully entered the house, he heard familiar music.

"But that's ... could it be ... dradle?" It was. Jacob the tree heard a Jewish song.

Over on the mantle, he noticed a menorah above the Christmas stockings.

"This family is half Jewish!" Jacob rejoiced.

The lumberjack set Jacob up in the corner of the living room. Children emerged and decorated him with small candles, dradle ornaments, little stars of David and other Hanukkah/Christmas hybrid items.

Jacob was a Hanukkah tree! And he lived happily ever after until he was set out on the curb to be hauled to the dump.