There needs to be gift-giving icons for random holidays.

With Easter comes the lovable, hoppity Easter Bunny who leaves eggs and chocolates for you to enjoy.

Christmas, of course, has Santa Claus, the number one super hero of all time*.

And each loss of a child's tooth becomes a mini holiday, for the sneaky Tooth Faerie comes and leaves crispy currency. This money is an investment since it will most likely get used on sticky candies, perfect for ripping out more teeth.

But what about Labor Day? Or Colombus Day? Or even Thanksgiving.

Well, kids, the buck stops right about HERE. I'm giving you the forgotten fellows who bring presents and joy to the more mundane holidays. Spread their stories with your brethren and these modest men will soon become more than fiction.


LABOR DAY LARRY is some CEO, mogul-type who lives in some swank pad in some city full of magic and lights. No one for sure knows which city, he could be in New York or Chicago. But at midnight every Labor Day, LDL drives his magical Masserati around the country in order to leave cash presents to the workers of the U.S. If you're a business person, you might find a bonus check tucked into your laptop. Or if you're a construction worker, twenty-dollar bills might be wrapped around your tools inside of your toolbox. Hair stylists would find cash inside of their hair dryers.

And as you, yes YOU, start your car in the morning, glad that you have this one day off of work, you'll find a fifty in the cup holder.

"Thank you, Labor Day Larry!" you'll say through the tears of joy.


CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS sought a shorter route to India to obtain goods. Instead, he bumped into the Americas. And now he gives us goods on his holiday!

They say if you stand outside before the sun rises on Columbus Day, if you remain very quiet, you may hear the crashing of waves against a ship's hull. If you hear this sound, run back into your home and look in the bathtub! Because that's where Columbus will leave the Italian coffees!

It's customary to drink this special brew on Columbus Day morning. Otherwise, you'll be plagued by smallpox.


THANKSGIVING is a very special holiday. The whole point is to reflect on all of the great things in your life - family, friends, home, faith.

Eff that mess! We all want presents. We're just too nice to say it.

So PLYMOUTH PAUL comes to save the day. While you and yours are sleeping soundly, Plymouth Paul enters through the kitchen window. (If your abode has no kitchen window, he simply uses the primary door.) He leaves presents on the family's main-dining-room table, all splayed out like a Thanksgiving feast.

He leaves candles, over-sized sweaters, tie racks, mini statues - things you'd never buy for yourself. The super great thing, though, about PP's gifts is that they're regift-able. So if you hate your popcorn tin, give it to your cousin next month for Christmas**!

Talk about being thankful. You don't have to go Christmas shopping.

***

Oh, boy! I can't wait until Labor Day!


*Discounting Batman whose gifts are more valuable, yet intangible. I'm talkin' 'bout justice.
**Or any other holiday you might celebrate. I use Christmas simply because that's what I grew up with.