Be hot in photos.

It's about time I updated my social networking photos. So like a good journalist I've done some research. I've found the best ways to achieve that difficult goal of looking smart AND sexy AND classy. Here's what I've learned:


Pucker Up and Pout it Out!
Smiling is so 90s. Maybe even 80s. This year, it's all about pouty lips. So make a kissy face at the camera. Only not like a real kiss. Pretend you're sucking on a really fat straw or popsicle. For added effect, let a little drool seep out onto your lower lip for a glassy effect.


Yes, YOU Can Glamour Shot
Photos are way better when you take them yourself. It's also a great way to show off your photography skills. The trick to a great self portrait, though, is a flattering angle. For an overall slimming effect, hold the camera way above you and look up. Take as many of these photos as possible. In fact, post no less than ten that look exactly alike.

To show off your figure, it's also perfectly acceptable to take a picture in the mirror, but remember, you want the camera to be VERY obvious. Hold it in front of you. Bonus points for using a cell phone.


Cleavage = Class
One thing that makes you look super smart is showing off tons of cleavage. Don't worry, you don't need big, fake boobs to show cleavage, either. Just make sure your shirt dips enough to show all of your sternum. ALL of it. If your shirt dips down to your belly button somehow, bonus! You can show off your belly ring AND your lady lumps with the same shirt opening. See? That's smart.


Eyeliner! Eyeliner! Eyeliner!
Why make your eyes pop when you can make them sink? Grab the blackest eyeliner you can find and draw it on thick. A half-centimeter thick line around your eyes should do the trick. Think hung-over raccoon.


You've Got Guts
There's nothing sexier than a stomach. And since it's so often that we all wander around in public raising up our shirts to our bras, why not capture that moment and post it on the internet? Just make sure the elbow of the shirt-lifting arm is lifted as high as possible, like a bird wing. This way you'll appear mighty, like the eagle. But what if your stomach isn't like Heidi Klum's? No worries, it's the internet. You're in 72 dpi. No one will notice your jelly rolls.


Camera? What Camera?
It's also very creative to pretend that you're unaware of a picture being taken. ESPECIALLY if the picture is obviously a self portrait. The key to this is a dead look in the eyes. Find the most boring object around and place it about ten feet away. Then stare at it until your eyes blur and SNAP! Perfect picture.


Baby's Got Background
Nothing says "I'm fun" like being surrounded by clutter. If the floor is visible in your photo (self portrait shot from above, for example) make sure the surrounding area is littered with odds and ends: towels, cell phone, papers, shoes, tupperware. After all, this isn't a spread in Elle Magazine, so you don't need some swanky couch or pretty window in the background. That would just detract from your beauty.


Wow, I found out more than I even knew. Guess it's time to break out the ol' camera. Wish me luck.