Holy crap! Don't drink the water!

Apparently, drinking water gets you pregnant.

There's no sperm & egg joining.

There's no stork.

This oven thing never gets a bun put into it.

Cabbage patches only create ugly, little cloth dolls.

Sex is nothing more than a recreational activity (between two people who love each other very much, blah blah blah). It doesn't make babies.

Only drinking water creates babies. So if you aren't ready to be a human incubator, ladies, stop drinking the tap water. Because it's making us all Fertile Myrtles.

Just take a look at Hollywood. EVERY UTERUS IS OCCUPIED! Or at least a good percentage of them have temporary residents.

A noticeable percentage of my female acquaintances are knocked up. And the bellies around my workplace have been swelling.

Babies are everywhere. And where there isn't a baby, there's a spot waiting for one.

There is no way this many woman are just getting pregnant. No way. It's not that easy. So the only logical explanation is that there's something in the water. Something in the water that causes pregnancy.

So I vow from this moment forward to not drink unfiltered tap water. Not until I'm married, at least.