Do they make creams for this?

We were out of some things, so I went to the store. While in the dairy section, I slipped on something.

It was a quarter.

In the ethnic food aisle, I walked over a few pennies and dimes. Every now and again, a dollar.

I gathered my desired items and made my way to the checkout.

With every item scanned, I noticed a strange feeling. I gave the cashier my money, took my groceries and stepped off.

As coins rolled out of the bottom of my pants.

Two days later, I picked up my bike from the repair shop. That night when removing my clothing, I found crumpled dollar bills in my underwear.

The next day at work, a trip to the restroom led to the discovery of toilet bowls full of soggy bills and rusted coins.

The next day, I had an ache so I went to the doctor.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked me.

As I shifted on the examination table, the sound of metal on metal gave me away. "My gut," I replied. "And," my voice dropped to a whisper, "my ass."

The doctor was thoughtful. "I see," he said. "We've been seeing a lot of this lately. Especially with young adults."

"What is it, doc?" I moaned through the cramping.

"It's simple, really." He wrote a prescription on a sheet of paper and handed it my way. "You're hemorrhaging money."