Rain, can I ask you something?

Hi, Rain.

I would ask you how you’re doing, but I already know the answer to that. You’re strong and healthy and around. You’re thick and constant and wet.

And you’re making us all tired.

So I’m asking you, Rain, just give it a rest for a day. Let the sun through. Most of us have forgotten what he looks like.

I mean, think about it, Rain, you’re kind of hogging the sky. And the air. And the roads. You’ve been punishing us for who-knows-what for weeks. We’re all Vitamin D deprived because of it. Our hair sucks because of it. Our feet are constantly wet because of it.

So stop already.

Sincerely,

the People of Dallas