I'm going to start carrying a dry-erase marker in my car.

When people are behind the wheel, they are assholes.

Perfectly kind, normal humans turn into unholy demons when there are four wheels beneath them. I can't explain this odd phenomenon, and I won't try to.

What's even worse is when those same demons park their vehicles in a way that disables other people from getting into their cars.

This is common practice at my apartment, which in itself is odd considering it isn't hard to find out who drives what car.

Anyway,  I just read a blog bitching about the whole I-had-to-get-into-my-car-from-the-passenger-side-because-some-dickhead-parked-too-close-to-my-car problem. And the writer didn't leave a note because it would do "no good."

The writer is right.

The alternative sucks, too. I have friends who'll gladly bash the offending car with their car door trying to teach a lesson. I'm not too fond of that, either, considering it's impossible to know the entire reason they parked so close (perhaps they had to because of another asshole car on their left side). Or there's always the chance that the poor parker had no idea they parked so badly (I know, inexcusable, but it happens), and they're left with a huge scratch they won't feel guilty for.

Anyway, I came up with a suitable solution that damages no vehicles, yet lets a fair amount of venting take place.

The dry-erase marker.

When someone parks too close to you, parks over the line, takes up two spots, whatever the offense is, simply write a message on their windows with the dry erase marker.

It does no damage to their car. It doesn't waste paper. And it'll freak them out thinking they've been Sharpied with:

• Just because your car cost 100K, doesn't mean you get to park like an ASSHOLE.
• Thanks for making me get in on my passenger side, DICK WAD.
• Take my license from me. I don't know how to park.
• I can't stay in the lines, either! Enjoy the Sharpie, JERK. 

Or perhaps it's a terrible idea. But I'm excited to try it.

Go ahead, demons, park too close to the 'Stang!