I think I over hug now.

In an attempt to not appear super awkward, I’ve tried to be more huggy (which goes against everything my fight-or-flight responses tell me to do).

And I think I’m over compensating. Now I find myself sandwiching my body against others (and this might be my paranoia arising) but they seem to struggle as if trying to free themselves from my vice-like embrace.

Like a Sesame Street Muppet, I come charging at the other person with flailing arms wide and mouth happily agape. “Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!” I joyously scream as I bound towards the other hugger. They lean in with the upper-body-only stance, but they’re quickly rearranged into a leg on leg, tummy on tummy, chest on chest experience of arm squeezing fury.

And after practicing my zealous new approach to the hug, I fear I appear even more awkward than before. Because now I’m some kind of pervert. Like the guy who holds your hand three seconds too long during a shake. Or the non-European who kisses everyone on both cheeks.

There’s no happy medium. I either run to the opposite side of the crowd with frightened Bambie eyes and stiffen when arms go around my torso, or I trap my acquaintances in a death squeeze of is-she-trying-to-figure-out-my-bra-size confusion.

Maybe I’ll just have to pretend I always have a cold so I’ll always have a valid excuse to keep my body away from other bodies.