Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm two people.

I faintly recall changing my name around three months ago.

It wasn't that hard of a process. Stand in this line. Show this form of ID. Show this sheet of paper. Sign this other sheet of paper. Get a photo taken.

Boom. Sweet new name.

Well, apparently, that made me a whole new person.

Because as a humble freelancer, I now have to re-fillout all of the wonderful W documents that I've already so bitterly filled out.

Not that it's a huge deal. It's just that lately, they keep pouring in. From various clients.

"Oh, well, we thought everything would be fine with your old stuff, but we really need to fill everything out again."

Because for some reason, when they see my new name on my invoice, my old name appears on my check.

And then the bank looks at me cross-eyed.

"But this isn't you," they say.

First name. New last name.  "Who the fuck is that?" I ask.

Middle name. New last name. "Who the fuck is that?" the bank asks.

You see, my parents decided to call me by my middle name and I dropped my maiden name entirely, so the bank is basically looking for a person who (to me and my husband) doesn't exist.

But to my point, shouldn't they have a record of who I used to be?

Perhaps I should carry two drivers licenses around with me (which is illegal).

Dude, I just wanted a cooler name and health insurance. Geez.

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