How bizarre is this quiz?

What Sex and the City character are you?

See which country in South America best represents your shoe size.

How backwoods redneck is your third cousin (who happens to be your sister)?

I know they might be fun. I know they might insight laughter in the slushy brained. I understand they are addicting.

But they're still stupid.

Pointless internet quizzes are popping up left and right and have exceeded the bounds of being ignorable. They weren't so annoying when it was easy to click away or close a window. But now I can't even turn my head away because they literally jump out of the computer screen and onto my literal desktop. In fact, one just landed on my foot right now. Get off!

I closed my laptop the other night and 17 quizzes about the Jonas Brothers and beef jerky fell out. (Apparently, I should date Nick Jonas and eat knock-yo-mama-out-hot jerky, by the way.)

I hate these quizzes. I really do. Maybe I'm a snob. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm on a one-way trip to being a crotchety old lady. Whatever.

It was fun in high school when we'd email around silly "surveys" (no one kept tabs so they weren't really surveys, hence the quote marks) where we'd try to one-up each other. I probably did it in college, too. Every now and again, my mom or someone who's just getting into the internet will send one and I might humor them.

So I'm not entirely guilt-free on this one. But I'm no where near the legally guilty level either.

What's the point of these quizzes?

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?

I'm not a Sex and the City character and I never will be. I can't dumb myself down long enough to even pretend I'm one. Plus they're all insipid twits and I wouldn't want to be slutty Samantha, crazy Carrie or moo moo Miranda anymore than I'd want my ass tarred shut.

How Redneck Are You?

If there's any chance that I'm redneck, I don't want to know. Sure, I grew up in one of Dallas' less-than-posh 'burbs. And I'm spending the majority of my adulthood trying to rectify that very fact. I'm not going to be outed by some internet/Facebook quiz for the seven seconds it makes me teeheehe.

How White Are You?

I'm still not quite sure what that means, but holding my arm up to a Pantone chip, I fall somewhere near R: 192 G:171 B:108, but it's dark in here and hard to really compare. I didn't need some half-twit quiz to tell me that. Oh, and I'm not racist.

Maybe I'm just too interested in work. Maybe I'm not bored enough. Maybe I spend too much time reading news stories and makeup tips. Who knows? What everyone does know, however, is what type of mystical creature I'd be.