I hope I become a wrinkly, old woman.

A popular topic in women’s magazines is aging. Because all women do it. All people do it. It’s something we can’t really control, no matter how many vitamins we eat or facelifts we get.

The earth rotates, the sun sets, and we age.

Aging happens. Old happens.

But people’s natural fear of death and the unknown has manifested itself into this culture of needing youth. Perpetual, never-ending youth. Skin-tightening face creams. Skin puffing lotions (because youth is chubby-cheeked). Line-filling serums.

Women’s magazines are peppered with them all.

So as I was sifting through the ads in a popular women’s magazine, I discovered an article on how to slow down the aging of your face.

I wasn’t that shocked.

Then I kept reading.

One piece of advice actually said to try and not show emotion with your face. Keep it still. All the time. When you speak, try not to smile or frown. Because smiling excessively over time will give you crows feet around your eyes and seems around your mouth.

That’s right. Don’t smile. That’s the advice of a reputable publication. I can’t make this stuff up.

I about lost my shit.

It might as well have said, “Be an emotionless android. You may bore your friends to an early grave, but they’ll die young and pretty and you’ll look younger and pretty. And that’s what’s really important.”

When I’m 60, I pray that I look like I’ve lived a happy life. I hope my eye wrinkles and face lines translate to the world that it’s been good to me. That I laugh often. That I love with all my heart and face.

I hope the lines run so deep that I have to clean inside the creases with Q-tips. I hope my grandkids imagine a highway system on my face. I hope my husband finds them as beautiful as he did my long-gone youth.

And I hope that I still feel this way in 40 years.

By the time I’m old enough, I may not win any senior citizen beauty pageants. But I honestly feel that au natural will make a comeback. Because everyone else will look like freaks with their excessive amounts of injections and plastic procedures. And there will be this rediscovered craving for something real.

And then I’ll be reading articles about reversal procedures and how dignified silver hair is.


Note: There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with cosmetic surgery. If removing the bump on your nose makes you feel sexy and alive, go for it. If the hair transplant gives you confidence you never had before, get it. Just don’t go overboard, okay? You’re prettier than you think you are. I swear.