Medieval times wants me.

Some years ago when Cooter Brown turned 30, I thought it would be funny to host his birthday at Medieval Times. So I did some research and found that they do children's parties. But nothing was mentioned about adult birthdays.

So I did what anyone would do. I emailed them.

"The birthday boy will be turning 30," I typed. "What kind of group rate could we get for 10 - 15 guests, and do we still get cake?"

The response was lacking. Medieval Times, although promising a hilarious time, would be a bit too much money per guest, especially considering we'd end up at a bar afterwards. There's definitely a per-person dollar cap on humor when you make what I make.

Anyhoo, my actions landed me on their ECRM (that's electronic customer relationship marketing, for you non-industry folk) list. And I periodically get discount offers, merchandise information, and snow information.

But for some reason, as nerdy as it is to get email updates from Medieval times, I can't opt-out. I don't want to. Because I'll be thirty some day. And you bet I'll turn 30 from the Queen's throne, where I rightfully belong.

Or just at a bar.