I hate award shows.

Nothing bores me quite as much as watching award shows.

Well, maybe watching the movie "the Fall." That was pretty damn boring, too. Beautiful, but slow as frozen molasses waiting on Christmas.

But I'm not griping about the pacing of art films. I'm griping about how watching people I'll never meet endlessly say thank you to other people I'll never meet. Sure, sometimes the outfits are cool, but I can see those on the internet.

And I could really give two flaming farts about who wins best picture. It's not going to change my opinion about the movie. I'll still like it or hate it based on my own awesome ranking system:

Did it entertain me? yes/no
Was I bored? yes/no
Am I mad that I just spent 8 bucks watching it? yes/no

And award shows (which are not movies, but usually about them) get all of the wrong answers in my little test. So I don't watch them (unless Cooter is watching them; he, unlike me, cares and we only have one TV).

Geez. An award show is on right now. And it's so boring that I can't even concentrate to write this rant. Fail.