I wonder what it’s like to be a pharmacist.

It’s no secret that I’ve got less-than-stellar lungs.

It’s not really anything to be ashamed of. Many many people have asthma. Many many people take medicine to alleviate the symptoms and live “normal” lives.

Whatever.

I didn’t ever realize, though, how expensive trying to be “normal” was.

While I was still a salaried employee with corporate insurance, I would go to the pharmacy, cough up the 30 dollar co-pay, and be on my merry way with two-months of daily breathing assistance in my purse.

When I went to pay for my inhaler last night with my independent insurance, the situation was way different.

The pharmacist informed me the inhaler was going to cost over 170 dollars.

And all of a sudden, I couldn’t breath. Just like that, the asthma medication I needed to prevent attacks actually caused one.

“But I have insurance,” I wheezed.

“That is with insurance,” she responded while scrolling through some database on her computer screen. “Without insurance, it’s $230.00.” (In all fairness, she was very sympathetic and sounded tired. Situations like this must be happening more and more frequently.)

I believe at this point, I actually grabbed my chest, as one often does at the beginning of an asthma flare up.

“Is there a generic that’s cheaper?” I wheezed.

Another pharmacist approached, “Unfortunately not." He paused. "Do you not want it?”

I don’t want it, I need it, I thought. Because I'm one of those people who would be dead if it weren't for modern medicine.

I'm an evolutionary cheater.

My chest grew tighter. Perhaps I winced.

The first pharmacist went for the box of medicine to open it. “Oh my god, do you need it now?”

“No, I’m alright,” I quietly lied. I swiped my bank card as quickly as I could, trying not to think about the depleting funds. Then I dashed to a corner and sucked medicine into my lungs with urgency.

As the albuterol fog spread to my brain, as the familiar tingling started in my thighs and toes and fingers, as I realized that I’ll be getting a paycheck in a week, I relaxed.

At least insurance shaved off something, right?