Dear Christopher Nolan,
Thank you.
Most sincerely,
Veronica
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Every night is a dark night.
Hello, Lover*.
There are only two days that separate us. Two painful, agonizingly long days.
And then?
Perfection.
Every second that passes is agony. Every glance at the clock reveals the dire truth that it's not yet 12:10 PM on Friday, July 18th.
But know this, Batman, when the theatre goes dark and Gotham City flashes in front of my eager face, I'll be right there.
Ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get a ride in the Bat Mobile.
Want homemade cookies? Done. Need your floors mopped? Well, I'm sure you have house staff for that, but do they wear pink, patent-leather bikinis? I don't think so.
Want a hand job? Sure, why not? Let's do this.
And by the way, I drive a stick.
Until Friday,
Veronica
*Batman
There are only two days that separate us. Two painful, agonizingly long days.
And then?
Perfection.
Every second that passes is agony. Every glance at the clock reveals the dire truth that it's not yet 12:10 PM on Friday, July 18th.
But know this, Batman, when the theatre goes dark and Gotham City flashes in front of my eager face, I'll be right there.
Ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get a ride in the Bat Mobile.
Want homemade cookies? Done. Need your floors mopped? Well, I'm sure you have house staff for that, but do they wear pink, patent-leather bikinis? I don't think so.
Want a hand job? Sure, why not? Let's do this.
And by the way, I drive a stick.
Until Friday,
Veronica
*Batman
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Why is the sun so popular all of a sudden?
Man, I don't want to use this blog for pop-culture musings and pointing out other people's work, but (and there it is, the but) I found something today.
Comic about sunburn.
The conclusion.
I can't help but wonder, did they see my blog first?
Comic about sunburn.
The conclusion.
I can't help but wonder, did they see my blog first?
Friday, July 11, 2008
I've lost faith in the law.
As you probably know, I've been writing little snippets of a story where some dumbass sues the Sun.
"It's the Sun's Fault."
You can interpret this tale a few ways. Some dude is suing an inanimate object. Some dude is suing a celestial body. Or if you approach it as poly-deism, a guy is raising a case against the gods or God in general.
Well, my far-fetched idea isn't so imaginative after all.
Today in the local paper is a story about some idiot who fell over while praying. He bumped his noggin and now he's suing his church.
"Matt Lincoln of Knoxville, Tenn., says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping. Now the 57-year-old is suing his church for $2.5 million for medical bills,lost income, and pain and suffering."
Associated Press
Aren't you supposed to give to the church? Isn't the church supposed to teach forgiveness?
And what idiot attorney would take a case like this? Seriously. I need to know.
There really isn't anything to say here besides a grown-ass man should fucking know better.
I award you, Matt Lincoln, the ultimate douche bag award.
The whole thing it truly stunning.
"It's the Sun's Fault."
You can interpret this tale a few ways. Some dude is suing an inanimate object. Some dude is suing a celestial body. Or if you approach it as poly-deism, a guy is raising a case against the gods or God in general.
Well, my far-fetched idea isn't so imaginative after all.
Today in the local paper is a story about some idiot who fell over while praying. He bumped his noggin and now he's suing his church.
"Matt Lincoln of Knoxville, Tenn., says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping. Now the 57-year-old is suing his church for $2.5 million for medical bills,lost income, and pain and suffering."
Associated Press
Aren't you supposed to give to the church? Isn't the church supposed to teach forgiveness?
And what idiot attorney would take a case like this? Seriously. I need to know.
There really isn't anything to say here besides a grown-ass man should fucking know better.
I award you, Matt Lincoln, the ultimate douche bag award.
The whole thing it truly stunning.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Um, I'm trying to make a really important point.
Um, something is really having a negative, um, affect on my speaking.
And, um, it wasn't there before.
Why have I started using "um" again?
A few years back, like so many 20 year olds at the time, I used "um" and "like" excessively. Perhaps not to the Valley Girl level, but it was pretty bad.
So I put crap tons of effort into fixing my vocabulary. I learned how to use pauses instead of monosyllabic utterings.
And being in the business world has ruined me. I've recently noticed that I've started umming again.
Saying um is communicable. You catch it aurally. It leaves one person's mouth, floats into your ear and merrily implants itself into your brain. Sometimes it takes effect immediately. Other times, it lays dormant for weeks or even a year.
Then, BAM, you're umming like a stoner kid giving excuses about why his eyes are all red.
It's alarming how many people in the business world (and not just my business world, mind you) can't speak. They'll passionately express valid arguments, winning over the hearts and trust of important associates.
And then ruin it all with a drawn out um.
Their intelligence just flees out the crack under nearest door.
And their um lodges itself into my head and repeats itself sentence after increasingly-dumbing sentence.
So now the rehabilitation process gets to start all over again.
For those who know me and see me, if I say "um" and it's not used in an intended way, slap me. But not in the face. If I can't break this habit, I need my looks to fall back on.
And, um, it wasn't there before.
Why have I started using "um" again?
A few years back, like so many 20 year olds at the time, I used "um" and "like" excessively. Perhaps not to the Valley Girl level, but it was pretty bad.
So I put crap tons of effort into fixing my vocabulary. I learned how to use pauses instead of monosyllabic utterings.
And being in the business world has ruined me. I've recently noticed that I've started umming again.
Saying um is communicable. You catch it aurally. It leaves one person's mouth, floats into your ear and merrily implants itself into your brain. Sometimes it takes effect immediately. Other times, it lays dormant for weeks or even a year.
Then, BAM, you're umming like a stoner kid giving excuses about why his eyes are all red.
It's alarming how many people in the business world (and not just my business world, mind you) can't speak. They'll passionately express valid arguments, winning over the hearts and trust of important associates.
And then ruin it all with a drawn out um.
Their intelligence just flees out the crack under nearest door.
And their um lodges itself into my head and repeats itself sentence after increasingly-dumbing sentence.
So now the rehabilitation process gets to start all over again.
For those who know me and see me, if I say "um" and it's not used in an intended way, slap me. But not in the face. If I can't break this habit, I need my looks to fall back on.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
It's the Sun's fault! Part 4
Jason's alarm went off at 6:30 in the morning. This was standard operating procedure.
Jason's eyes slowly opened to total darkness. This wasn't standard operating procedure.
Assuming that he mis-programmed his alarm, he snoozed it.
Ten minutes later when the alarm woke him up, he discovered that light still wasn't seeping in through his curtains. So he snoozed again.
And again. And again. And until 8.
"This can't be right," Jason mumbled as he got out of bed and walked to the window. He raised the blinds and discovered that all was dark around his house. The house across the street, though, was bathing in the warm glow of the morning sun shine.
"What the hell?" Jason asked no one as he scratched his head. He went to the living room and turned on the TV to check the news.
It was indeed 8 AM and it certainly was a sunny day.
After a few moments of processing this info, Jason shouted, "Shit, I'm late!" and sprung into an abbreviated version of his morning routine.
Thirty minutes later, he was pulling out of the driveway and onto the street.
Before he drove away, he took one last look at his house.
All around, the sun shone brightly. Except where Jason's property line started. The entire house and yard were encased in shadow.
And so was Jason's car.
He looked up through the sun roof and saw the cloud hovering over his auto.
"?" Jason literally thought.
He drove to work at break-neck speed as the Wind directed the car-covering cloud through the city traffic.
As Jason locked up his car at the office, he finally started realizing that he'd experience no sun during his lawsuit. Oh well. At least his car would stay cool.
He walked into his office where a county servant was waiting for him with some folded papers.
The Sun, in an effort to protect himself, had filed a restraining order.
Jason's eyes slowly opened to total darkness. This wasn't standard operating procedure.
Assuming that he mis-programmed his alarm, he snoozed it.
Ten minutes later when the alarm woke him up, he discovered that light still wasn't seeping in through his curtains. So he snoozed again.
And again. And again. And until 8.
"This can't be right," Jason mumbled as he got out of bed and walked to the window. He raised the blinds and discovered that all was dark around his house. The house across the street, though, was bathing in the warm glow of the morning sun shine.
"What the hell?" Jason asked no one as he scratched his head. He went to the living room and turned on the TV to check the news.
It was indeed 8 AM and it certainly was a sunny day.
After a few moments of processing this info, Jason shouted, "Shit, I'm late!" and sprung into an abbreviated version of his morning routine.
Thirty minutes later, he was pulling out of the driveway and onto the street.
Before he drove away, he took one last look at his house.
All around, the sun shone brightly. Except where Jason's property line started. The entire house and yard were encased in shadow.
And so was Jason's car.
He looked up through the sun roof and saw the cloud hovering over his auto.
"?" Jason literally thought.
He drove to work at break-neck speed as the Wind directed the car-covering cloud through the city traffic.
As Jason locked up his car at the office, he finally started realizing that he'd experience no sun during his lawsuit. Oh well. At least his car would stay cool.
He walked into his office where a county servant was waiting for him with some folded papers.
The Sun, in an effort to protect himself, had filed a restraining order.
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