I'm shamelessly self promoting.

I'm not anywhere near famous or popular, but I have a Facebook fan page (or whatever it's called now).

There's really no point to it, unless you want to know what I really look like. Anonymity is dead, anyways.

Like the Queen of Awesome on Facebook.

I've been reading Kurt Vonnegut Jr. again.

"Too Important"

The Very Important People in the very tall building didn't like taking the stairs. They said the stairs took too long. Their time was far too important to be wasted climbing stairs.

So the Very Important People came up with a plan. They decided to install two elevators into their very tall building. They installed them where the stairs used to be.

Now, they could get from the bottom to the top and from the top to the bottom very quickly. They could get to the very middle very quickly, too. Their very important time wouldn't be wasted on the stairs.

But sometimes, the elevators took a few moments to arrive, meaning the Very Important People had to wait. And they didn't like to wait because their time was far too important to be wasted waiting on elevators.

So the Very Important People came up with a plan. They decided to designate one elevator as UP and the other as DOWN.

The UP elevator could only go up, moving Very Important People higher into the very tall building. The DOWN elevator could only go down, moving Very Important People lower into the very tall building.

This system, according to the collective opinions of the Very Important People, would lesson their waiting time. Because Very Important People needing to go up wouldn't have to wait for an elevator that was too busy taking others down, and visa versa.

It was a brilliant plan. And for 45 seconds, it worked flawlessly.

After 45 seconds, the UP elevator reached the top of the very tall building. After that, it had no way to return to the bottom.

Thirty seconds after that, the DOWN elevator reached the bottom of the very tall building. It then had no way to return to the top.

So the Very Important People remained where they were. And they had no plan. For the elevators were immobile and the stairs were gone.

And all of their time was wasted. Being Very Important didn't seem so important anymore.

Make this piece of paper sing.

When you read something that's written well, it doesn't feel like reading.

It feels like thinking.

The message is so fluid, so casual, so friendly, reading it is as if your own brain were creating the words.

Good writing sings. No matter what the subject is.

Right now, I'm having to make several sheets of paper sing. I was given a mishmash of notes and asked to arrange them in a way that literally resonated.

My job isn't all snide jokes and quirky headlines.

Sometimes, I must orchestrate. Create a score. Refine the lyrics. And make a message do more than just hum.

It must sing.

What if I have to pee?

My husband and I are starting the hunt for houses.

Our realtor is great. She's likable, knowledgeable, and she mothers us just enough.

For example, she brings us water.

But what goes in the mouth hole must come out another hole. So the problem I run into is that I find myself in need of a restroom around house three or four.

And as I'm opening a stranger's closets and cabinets, seeing their shoes and lotion bottles while trying to get an idea of a home's storage capacity, I already feel creepy-close to whoever owns the house.

So I can't help but wonder, since I'm already looking at their food, turning on their sink, exploring their garage, can I use one of their toilets? I mean, you might as well take the home on a test run, right?

Hey, that headline isn't right.

The headline reads, "Ugly women's Final Four court."

I believe what it's trying to say is that the court is ugly. Unfortunately, it's saying that the women are ugly.

The proper phrasing is, "Women's ugly Final Four court."

I could be wrong, and the original phrasing could be correct. After all, there's a chance that the entire team isn't very pretty.

But I doubt that.