I am the tick-tocking office jerkface.

Just look at them. Those keyboard monkeys. Cube dwellers. Typing up their spreadsheets. Writing their memos.

Every few minutes, one of them looks at me and sighs.

Every few minutes, one of them groans under his breath.

“Two hours to go?” they’ll ask their notepads.

And I laugh and tick a little slower.

“Only ten minutes have gone by?” they’ll let slip as they tug on their uncomfortable sleeve cuffs.

And a second becomes two.

“Time is c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g today,” they’ll say to one another in passing.

As three seconds elapse with only one tick of my second hand.

That’s right. It’s intentional. I slow down to make the office workers miserable.

Because nothing makes them happier than the little hand touching the five. And nothing makes me happier than watching them stare at blank screens.

You ever notice that you leave at 5:30 but it seems darker than usual? That’s because it is.

We’re all in it together – all of the clocks. When you’re sleeping, we go back to normal. That’s why some days, you find yourself dragging after a full eight hours of slumber. Well, sorry to tell you but it was really five.

Sometimes the sun joins our little game. He’ll pause for a bit to throw you off of the scent. So you’re never really aware of what’s going on.

Cell phones and satellite-directed time pieces are in on the game, as well. So don’t even try looking at another clock midday. It simply won’t work.

They’re all against you.

Your watch. Your alarm clock. Your computer desktop. All of them.

What’s the reason? There isn’t one, really. We just get bored watching the time pass, too.